I Am Grateful

Things in my life have definitely improved in the last weeks - my new chapter in my career and professional development have brought me so much joy, and it feels so wonderful to share this abounding joy with everyone much more than I did in the past year. I have found my new 'niche', and even though it may not even be a job that requires a degree, I feel so positive and happy - two things that I thought were void in the working world. It's not your job or title that will ever define you. It is YOU and your attitude that will speak much louder than any letters or stars that may follow your name.

No matter what way my life takes me (even if I am Dr. Catheryn some day), I PROMISE myself that I will remember to be grateful and patient. I thank YOU for making my life truly meaningful, whether you are my best friend, a close acquaintance, or a distant friend, or someone I may not even know very well yet. You give me purpose. You give me motivation. You give me a shoulder and an ear. You give me space to be. You give me hope. You give me heart.

For all this, and so much more I am truly grateful.

xo

From the Rooftops

A rooftop is a place of immersion. From the rooftop, you can look across the horizon; on a rooftop, you're well above your normal standing point, and you can see everything from a different perspective; from a rooftop, you are one with the sky, and yet grounded. The stars are just overhead, and the future surrounds. When you climb to the rooftop, you can just think a little more clearly, and see a little more precisely... I've recently had some rooftop revelations, and I'm more than happy to share....

Have you ever heard of the concept: you get what you put in? I'm finding this statement to be more true than ever.

In recent months, I've come across many people who I consider 'naysayers'. A Naysayer, as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is one who 'denies, refuses, opposes, or is skeptical or cynical about something'. Frankly, these are people I tend to avoid, and more than ever I'm ready to break free from the negative and fly towards the positive.

Along with the naysayers, I've also been troubled by those who can 'talk the talk' but who never 'walk the walk'. I like commitment, and I myself am carving it in stone right now, 'do it, or regret it'.

So what does this all have to do rooftop revelations? Good question! Today, I plan to teach you a simple trick; I will warn you though, it takes years to master, and countless times of trial to perfect. I don't consider myself to be the best at it, but I know it works. How? Well, it opens your eyes and allows you to see from that rooftop perspective.

The next time you are faced with a difficult thought, or you are stuck in between knowing the results of something that means a lot to you, you have to shout positive affirmations. Now, I don't mean that you have to physically shout things - that might just be a little too 'cray' for your friends and family. You just have to shout it into your own head.

One particular trial in my life where I truly began to master the art of rooftop shouting was in my weight loss journey. I still look back on old photos, and say, wow.... wow... I see pain in those old photos. I see excuses. I see pain I was bottling in. I had accepted that I was at my best and I had settled for it. It was really a sad time for me because I was stuffing so many emotions in. My anxiety had overrun my life, and I compensated for it with sweets.

The first step was for me to get FED UP. I was tired of feeling sluggish and tired, so I made a promise, and I shouted at myself. Then, as soon as I made changes, I had to keep shouting at myself - 'NO' to the brownie, 'NO' to the second helping, and 'YES' to discovering inner beauty and inner strength. 'YES' to the 8 minute mile, 'YES' to the 10lb dumbbells, and 'YES' to the extra 20 minutes on the treadmill. Although there were so many 'No's' there were soooo many more 'YES's'!

YES is such a wonderful compensation. It's the best word- the gold star you're hoping for- the A+ on your paper- and the affirmation you need to KEEP GOING. The same tactic works in so many other parts of life.

When you feel like you're stuck, even with a simple task and you feel overwhelmed, say YES and make a plan to tackle it - head on. DREAM BIG - there's nothing that can stand in your way.

Let's say you're a new grad and you're feeling overwhelmed with the job search... Believe in YOURSELF - you are the best and most talented person in your industry and you're determined to get the job of your dreams - if you truly SHOUT IT to yourself, you will! You'll nail that interview, and you will get that job, and you will MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Let's say you're even struggling with a day full of chores. Instead of drowning into thinking 'I'll NEVER get this ALL DONE' think 'YES- a CHALLENGE'. Make a plan and GET IT! The day is yours - seize it and SHOUT IT.

It's fun once you discover the power of self affirmation. Yes, it takes years and countless trials to master, but it's so much more fun to live life in the YES - so go ahead and SHOUT IT!

Project Sparkle

Today marks the FIRST day of a journey I'm taking to better myself, and to tune in more to who I am.

I'm ready to make a BIG CHANGE in my life. For too long now I've been stifling the truth and hiding under this mask of happiness. I'm ready to forget the safety net and to do something worthwhile.

Let me take a couple steps backwards. I have a confession to make. I've been extremely unhappy. I've allowed myself to sink to new levels of low self esteem and self worth. I've made some poor decisions lately, and I've turned to all of the wrong places to reignite the joy I once had at the end of my college career. This last year has been painful - a cold, hard reality check. I lost sight of what I wanted for myself and conformed to what society told me to do. Welp, I'm done with that. It's over. That plastic Catheryn plastered with the fake smile and the fake positive attitude is LONG GONE. Now, she's going to be REAL.

REAL HAPPINESS. REAL SMILES. REAL SUCCESS.

First, it starts with a new attitude. No more "I'm fat" comments, no more "I'm dumb" comments, no more fear, and no more negativity. Negativity is BANISHED from my life and brain.

I need to turn these negatives into positives - instead of feeling like I'm not skinny or pretty enough I WILL learn to appreciate my beauty for what it is. I will build my beauty around my ACTIONS not my image.

Instead of feeling like I'm not smart enough or talented enough, I need to take more risks and find more joy in the simple things. Instead of criticizing myself for enjoying an afternoon of just 'being', I need to see it as an opportunity to better myself.

Instead of constantly being afraid of not having enough money, or not being 'successful' enough, I need to branch out and try more new things. I need to volunteer, give back more, and get more involved.

And most importantly, there will be no more negativity. If something makes me unhappy, I will face it head-on and try to actively better that situation or feeling.

Am I ashamed of writing these goals down so the world can see? NO. I'm proud. I feel vindicated and strong. I don't care who judges me or why they are. This is a journey that will take lots of dedication.

June 1st.

I will not have another single alcoholic drink until this day. Have I been abusing alchol? No, not really, but it clouds my mind and does not allow me to move past my fears. Time to 'put down the drink' and stay away from going out to the bar with friends until I get some thinking done. (Yes, this includes wine... insert whimpers here... hah!)

I will also find other working opportunities. I'm hoping to be SERIOUSLY headed in the right direction by this time. The work environment I'm in now has some major negativity issues for me, and I'm done pretending I'm okay with it. Will any workplace be 'perfect'? No, but let's face it. I deserve to be happy.

I will join POSITIVE groups. Bible studies, community plays, and volunteering? SIGN ME UP. I'm really looking to add more purpose to my life.

Seek spiritual guidance. I will become a part of a group that will spiritually inspire me. God has granted me with so many wonderful gifts. I need to find the right group who will celebrate with me.

Do something crazy. Pierce my belly button or try ice skating? I say YES. I enjoy adventure. I need to feed that craving to live on the edge. Maybe these things aren't that shocking to the average person, but I tend to keep my guard MUCH too high. I'm letting go. :)

~ Like I said, I feel proud, vindicated and STRONG. Life is going to go a better direction for me now. God has a plan for me, and it's time I FOLLOWED it.

After all, a diamond is JUST a piece of CHARCOAL that handled stress exceptionally well. :)

Cruising

Sometimes as I drive at night with my windows rolled down, seeing lights and stars, I think of how big the world is, and then I get this incredibly small feeling.

As I look across the stoplight-streaked sky, I see power and the future in the inanimate and learn to appreciate the smell of ozone. The rumble and grumble of motors parallel to me breathe stories of others, just like me, trying to get somewhere.

I get the same small feeling when I run.

Sidewalks turn into stories, and personified homes and vehicles speak.

The oxygen flowing in and out of my lungs is like cool, refreshing mist on my face bringing fragments of history to flow through my pores and veins.

Children's laughter or wind fill my ears with better sound than any produced by man, and the smell of grass winds through my nostrils and through the smile on my face.

When my muscles begin to ache, or I feel my strength start to dwindle, I appreciate my limitations, and take comfort in knowing the warm shower will soothe me, followed by the cool pillow cradling my cheek.

When I wake again, it's a new opportunity to taste reality and realize just how small I am. It's a good kind of small - an appreciative 'small'. A small that allows me to step back and SEE... truly SEE.

It's incredible what you can miss when you're too busy and BIG to experience and enjoy it.

Hope is the window, though ~ the window to truth, perspective, and happiness. Go ahead and open it, and cruise. 

It Takes A Village

Lately I've been thinking a lot about authenticity and how it surrounds our lives, or sometimes how it's absent. Of course, all of us would hope that our lives point toward the authentic, but how can we be sure that it is, and where can we find it? The answer lies in the hands that helped to raise us. 

Community is such an important aspect in our lives. Why, without it, we would not have a proper sense of identity. Who would be our friend, our acquaintance, or our supporters? Community is powerful because it provides the atmosphere where we can bounce inspiration, ideas, and feelings among our peers. It also helps to teach us, improve us, and humble us.  

Now, I know what you may be thinking.. What about the authenticity only found within ourselves? This is a great thought. There is a lot to be said about our internal senses-of-self. There is only so much that community can contribute to our lives. The flip side happens to also be true, though - without community, there is only so much that internal authenticity can contribute to our lives. It's a balance that will take an entire lifetime to master. 

With all of this in mind, some of you may still be wondering who your community is. Again, a great thought, with many varying answers. In my experience, I've found that I belong to a multitude of communities. The communities YOU belong to will be unique to YOU. 

Since I'm long past childhood, I originally shied away from using the old African proverb "It takes a whole village to raise a child", but despite my normal tendency to be metaphorical, I was taking it far too literally. Yes, it's true, as a child I relied heavily on the help of teachers, doctors, friends, and extended relatives to provide me with the knowledge, love, and wisdom that I have. Now that I'm 'grown up', I'm finding that I can identify with many new communities that are as important as the communities that shaped me as a child. 

For example, while I was in college, I knew that I was a strong part, and active member in the DSU community. I felt supported, secure, and challenged each and every day. I thrived in this community and I still dream about continuing my education one day. While I was in college, I became involved in a Step Aerobics class which also opened the doors to a whole new community - the Madison Community Center. Ironic that the name of this building has the word 'community' in it! It definitely helped to shape me, both literally (as in being toned enough to not look frightening in a pair of shorts), and mentally. At the Community Center I felt like I belonged - that I was contributing to something larger than myself - a passion that still completely ignites me, changes my mindset, and provides me with a frightening sense of security and pride.

'Now Catheryn', you might be saying, 'what about all of these online communities?'. YES! I live in them, breathe  in them! I'm thrilled by the ever-evolving digital scene. I can't even name them all in one article, but among my favorites are, of course, the essential social media outlets (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, LinkedIn, Google+, Blogger, and Instagram), and more refined, 'niche' social communities (i.e. Tone It Up, Map My Run, and Netflix), and even more with the newest MOBILE social communities (i.e Poshmark and Words With Friends). These communities afford me TREMENDOUS opportunities to connect with others all across the globe. 

What's even better, is that these communities bring me to one of the newest communities I've become a part of -  and that's the Digital Industry. I've been working as a member in this community for 9 months now, which is pretty incredible. Like any newcomer though, I still sometimes feel a little lost, or unaware of the opportunities and the technology that surrounds me. That's okay though! The newness exhilarates me and provides me with a GREAT challenge. I'm all for meeting with and discussing ideas with members of this community. I WANT to share ideas and gain friendships. I know that there's a LOT of competition, but I'm not in this industry to ruin anyone - I'm here to support others and learn from the experts around me. I know I will eventually begin to feel my established, but right now, I'm enjoying the luxury to learn and explore. Yes, I've made my fair share of mistakes, and I have many more to come - it's all a part of the growing pains. So, I look to my COMMUNITY to teach me, challenge me, and befriend me. 

What communities have shaped your life the most? Which communities are your favorite? Do you feel especially influenced by the digital communities in your life? I WANT TO KNOW, so comment below! :) 

In the Raw

It seems we all have that 'place', that home ground, that central station, where we can park, unload our carts and simply 'be'. These places of spiritual neutrality are sacred, clean, and are a holistic part of our lives. They are the spaces in between the moments we deem the most important, yet these breaks and spaces are what shape us. How can we keep ignoring it? 

It dawned on me today, what if I looked for my sacred 'place'? I might be able to harness my thoughts better and ask myself the important questions I've been avoiding. (It's kind of like those midterms I would have been avoiding exactly a year ago today!) Recognizing that I have truly been avoiding my own thoughts and questions is a great discovery. One that I need to continue to make every day! It's all too easy to turn on the auto pilot mode, and just 'go'. It takes greater attention and perception to be in-tune with one's raw state. 

After reminiscing about some of the other tough decisions I've made in my life, I realized that they all did seem to point to one place. A place where I cannot hide from myself, and the truth surrounds me - the bathroom. Yes. You read correctly. As silly as it may sound, that is probably the place where I feel at the most ease. Whether I'm taking a warm shower, or bubble bath, putting on my makeup, fixing my hair, or simply cleaning, I feel like I am not avoiding myself whenever I'm in there. I'm able to think clearly and without distractions. Plus, I do really enjoy putting on makeup and fixing my hair - so, it's kind of a home-run solution. 

Heck, I was cleaning the bathroom back when I was a sophomore in college when I switched from being pre-med to an English for New Media major! I was also in the bathroom putting on makeup when I realized a toad, 'boyfriend' of mine was not the right dating material. I also was silently whining at my reflection one day when I finally decided to take better care of my health and fitness. Again, this may all sound a little far-fetched, but I truly believe that, that, is my place. 

Why the bathroom? Gosh, if Freud were to step in, he'd make some snarky comment about my "anal rententiveness", or something of that sort. But, I see my choice differently. I see it as a place where I can be completely RAW, completely CATHERYN. I mean, going about my day, I'm still me, but maybe not to my purest and rawest. I mean the bathroom is the place where I can create my face for the day. I can also completely bare myself and be in my most natural state. Metaphorically, I think it allows me to tap back into the days before I was aware of what held me back. The mirror also gives me a reminder that I can't hide from myself - because there I am - staring right back at myself. There's no need to alter anything because that's me, and I understand who I am, even under all of the makeup and hair products. 

So maybe your place is somewhere more glamorous, less 'embarrassing', or more exotic - that's fine! As long as it is YOU through and through that you see staring back at yourself, then that's all that truly matters. We all have a place - I challenge you to find it, and ask yourself what significance or metaphorical value that place holds for you. Then, confront yourself! Sit, or stand, and find out what you must do to ignite the most intricate pieces of your happiness and life. 

Breath of Anticipation

We're all familiar with this moment... The lights are dim, the warm faces of your friends and family encircling you with their eyes bright and their faces illuminated by the soft glow of neon candles melting into the silky, sugary palette of frosting decking the sweet, spongy birthday cake about to be consumed. They're all waiting. The cheerful tune of 'happy birthday' has just been sung, and spirits are high. Anticipation is higher. Thinking with your eyes pinched tightly, and holding in all your hopes in dreams, you inhale and then your eyes burst open along with a forceful exhale to extinguish the candles, and release your dreams into the world, and the year ahead of you.

There's nothing quite like a birthday for a time to examine yourself and think good and hard about what you've accomplished, and what you hope to accomplish within the next year. You also know that it's a time where you get to make a wish, and not just any wish, but a wish that will be added to your life's story. Maybe the wish does not always come true, but it is always answered - perhaps unexpectedly, or in a way that you would not prefer, but it is still an answer.

These moments surround us.. these breaths of anticipation. And they don't necessarily come often, but they're important. They allow us the opportunity to completely give in to our deepest desires, and to put it out to the world without any shame - even if it is in the form of a secret, or a wish. The smoke carries our unsaid words and scatters the hopes into ever nook in our homes, and then disperses into the atmosphere. It's like magic. It's exciting, thrilling, and just plain fun. That's why birthdays, new years, and anniversaries are so meaningful. They're a milestone for us to stop and think and plan for what may lie ahead, while appreciating what we have experienced in the past. They're a moment to be grateful, optimistic, and determined. And although these moments only last a moment, they are the breaths of anticipation. As long as we exhale our hopes and dreams when given these fleeting opportunities, then we can be a part of what has been and what is to come. Come what may, and love it. Life is constantly poetic, and let us never forget it :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1) A wonderful birthday which I was able to celebrate with my loving family and friends. I am so incredibly blessed to have so many people wishing well things for me.

2) The opportunity to meditate, and anticipate what I want to accomplish in the year ahead of me. I know 23 will bring many big changes my way. I will go places, and do so many new things. I have potential, and I'm ready to see it blossom :)

3) My sister and Tyler. My two soul mates. Both know every single thing about me, and love me despite or in spite of those things :)

Things I am positive about:

1) Changes that are to come my way. Honestly, I feel like one of those old people that gets the feeling in their bones before the weather changes. Something wonderful and amazing is about to happen. I know it. I FEEL it :)

2) Love. I have so many loving people, and I am learning to love more too. I'm really beginning to learn to love myself, embrace myself, and live out loud.

3) Charity. I'm about to be given a great opportunity to share my time and talents with those in-need, and there is nothing more rewarding than being the help that someone needs so much.

Three goals for tomorrow:

1) Stay positive, and immerse myself completely into what I do. Live, breathe, and be social.

2) Call and talk to a friend I haven't talked to in awhile :)

3) Take care of some of the cobwebs and clutter that has collected in my brain, and cross some things off on my mental checklists

When the Stars Go Blue

Have you ever heard this song by Tim McGraw or Ryan Adams? It's a beautiful song, really. Whenever I hear it, it takes me to deep place. Normally I'm pretty light, and whimsical, but I have to wonder how many times I've been the woman in this song... 

How many times have I danced like a marionette in her wooden shoes? How many times have I forgotten what truly makes *me* happy, and just gone with what the strings attached to me told me to do? It's easy to do, because that's what feels... safe. 

I know this song also seems to be a man singing how he will care for this girl no matter how much she's compromised herself. I have to wonder, is that 'man' God? Perhaps it could be... and perhaps we should consider it.

I know that spirituality is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. I find it hard to trust sometimes, and to give my life over to someone who isn't 'me'. I've had disappointments in my life, like many of you have, so of course, after you've been burned a few times, it's easy to get discouraged and lose faith. I'm also extremely self-reliant, so it's difficult for me to give up the very little control I do feel I have in my life, but it's so important! Once we give up our 'strings of life' and let God follow us and guide, even when we cannot see Him or understand Him, that's when we can find ultimate happiness.

Now, I'm not trying to claim that I do any of these things full-time. I'm fully aware that it's a commitment that has to be made every day, and I know I've had a lot of star-less days and nights lately, where I really don't feel like there's anything out there, but I know deep down that my feelings aren't true. Yes, I have felt discouraged lately, and a little lost, but I've also felt extremely creative in my professional life, and am starting to gain more confidence in myself. This journey to finding self-acceptance will also have to be a journey to accept God. God created me and knows everything about me, so maybe I should start asking Him a bit more often than I have. I think I should make it a full-time commitment. Maybe I'll find some more answers? Maybe I'll make some new discoveries? Maybe another purpose for my life will be revealed? I'm not really sure, but I'm not going to wait anymore. It's time to let go and let God.

Things I'm grateful for today:

1) The patience, dedication and enthusiasm of my co-workers
2) Running :)
3) Warmer temperatures

Things I'm positive about today:

1) I'm positive that I will awaken my spiritual connections, and learn to love and trust in God more
2) I'm positive about the progress I've been making with my clients at work, as well as the flood of creative ideas I've had lately
3) I'm positive about the level of focus I've had lately. Normally I'm more likely to space out and day-dream, but I've been very disciplined and focused lately, and have been more productive as a result.

Three Goals for Tomorrow:
1) Take 30 minutes to pray and meditate
2) Go to bed earlier.. ;)
3) Staying positive about all of my daily tasks and duties :)

A Little Bit Daring

Every now and then, we are propelled into taking a step outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes it's because we are asked, and other times it is because we take it upon ourselves. Of course, taking that first step (or sometimes leap) of faith is not easy. It can prove to be very difficult and you may even dread it - I know I do from time to time. What we must remember though, is what we may feel like after we take a leap or step of faith, though.

Life is never predictable, and there will be things that will be thrown our ways that will be some of the trickiest, the happiest, or the saddest times of our lives. It's how we react to these situations that shapes us too. Learning to act and react with poise is key - keeping a cool head will help you maintain the proportion of the situation, and not let it get the best of you.

Being a creative, I am asked every day to take a step outside of my comfort zone. Yes, it's frightening, but it's also highly exhilarating! I have the opportunity to do something new every day, and I have been graced with the opportunity to create new ideas every day. It's a real blessing, and a real responsibility!

I am also asking myself again to take a few steps outside of my comfort zone and become even more of an open person. I know I can be quite shy sometimes, so I've been making an effort to increase my social strategies as well! Whether I'm just visiting a bit more in depth with a cashier at Wal-Mart or communicating the status of a project at work, I'm trying to implement a more conversational approach. As a very self-driven person, conversing with others sometimes doesn't get first priority, but I'm going to branch out a bit, and try it. I can still be professional and serious while incorporating a bit more fun. :)

Things I am grateful for:

1) Today's weather... it was GORGEOUS! I'll be running outside again before you know it! :)
2) A GREAT weekend of fun and relaxation, and of course spending time with Tyler! <3
3) That I'm feeling 100% healthy finally!!

Things I am positive about:

1) I'm positive that my creativity has been coming in leaps and bounds lately! It's almost like I can't contain all the ideas and brainstorms I have! It's thrilling!
2) All the wonderful memories that I've been trying to call back lately. It's crazy to think that I graduated almost a year ago already, and that I haven't worked at Pamida in almost a year! I am positive about my progress, and I'm positive about all that is to come!
3) I am positive about finding more time to do some simple things like reading, watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey, or meditating.

Three Goals for tomorrow:

1) Keep plugging away at putting ideas together, and keep giving 110% to all I do while having FUN
2) Remember to do my laundry and take out my garbage (I've been neglecting both of these things for days now! haha)
3) Start putting ideas together for the chair I'm going to create for the South Dakota Ad Federation Chair-ity fundraiser :) 

Removing My Ball and Chain

Sometimes it's time to turn on music and just get lost. I also like to run, and get lost. We all have our ways of getting lost from reality and its grip. Tonight I got lost in a flood of tears while running. It was surprising, unexpected, and slightly embarrassing. The person on the treadmill next to me probably thought I was seriously 'cray', but I don't really care anymore. I'm at the point where I'm ready to remove this ball and chain that I've been carrying around for quite some time. I want to be free.

In life, there are so many things that we carry with us, and we don't even realize it. Things move into our minds and lives like passing clouds. Sometimes they hang around us for days, and other times they just blow right through. It's hard to predict what these clouds will do. Sometimes they rain, sometimes they snow, sometimes they amuse as they assemble themselves into clever shapes in the sky. What we forget to do, though, is to deal with these clouds.

The biggest cloud in my life is fear. I'll say it right out, I'm afraid (actually terrified) of making mistakes. I'm a total perfectionist and control freak. I hate disappointing people, and I despise feeling like I didn't try my best on something. This creates a lot of anxiety for me, and it's affected my life for far too long. I'm ready to be a little unpredictable now. I'm ready to scribble, to live life a little more colorfully, to sing and scream at the top of my lungs, to be messier, to get LOST in awesome opportunities.

I am going to challenge myself to do one small thing each day that will help me let go a little. Whether if it's intentionally NOT putting my clothes away (gasp), doing my hair BEFORE my makeup, or NOT using a fork. Something crazy, seemingly silly, or even stupid, just to keep myself on my toes. I'm far too controlling of myself, and it's time to be set free. I'm not scared anymore. I have great ideas, and heck, it's about time I stopped limiting myself because I was afraid. I'm powerful. I can make a difference. I can be more than my fears. And, no, I can't take credit for coming up with this idea. Stefan Mumaw, writer of "Caffeine for the Creative Mind" actually suggests it. He challenges all creatives to change one thing in their routines each day to keep fresh ideas rolling in, because let's face it, I'm sure we're all slightly creatures of habit, in one way or another. So, make a map of your day. Heck, Instagram each step of your day if you want. Then scramble the photos, and change your routine. It's kind of fun, and extremely invigorating.

This all being said, I challenge you to think of something that terrifies you, or something that may be affecting the way you live your life. Confront it. Head on. Be strong. Let's all scribble, shout, and get sloppy and maybe a little stupid. Life's too short to control everything, or to be afraid, or to be lazy. It's time to remove the ball and chain.

Things I'm grateful for today:

1) My crazy little bunny who thinks it's a good idea to climb on the very tippy top of my love seat. :) (See, even rabbits know that it's good to try new things!)
2) I'm grateful that I'm really beginning to let my guard down. It's really freeing to say what I want and to not be afraid.
3) The opportunity to cleanse, and breathe, and to get lost

Things I'm positive about:

1) Tomorrow's FRIDAY!
2) I'm positive that soon I'm going to have more creative breakthroughs, and they're gonna be SWEET
3) I'm positive that happier times are coming my way. I feel a strong force coming, and it's cool. :)

Three Goals for Myself for Tomorrow:

1) Lighten up. Mistakes happen. So do good things :)
2) List three things that I LOVE about myself.
3) Remember to tell someone that I love them, and thank them

Laws of Attraction

Lately I've been struggling with a slightly magnetic condition. I can't believe I haven't been able to diagnose it until now... It's the law of attraction.

In science, it's been said that opposites attract. In life, I find quite the opposite of this 'opposites rule' to be true. It seems that in life likes attract likes. Let me explain a little...

If we continue to live and breathe negatively, then negativity will keep coming into our lives. If we make an effort to put some positivity back into our thoughts and actions, then we will be blessed with positive results. Now, I'm not saying this is entirely fool-proof, or that it's a new idea; just from casual observation over the years, I really have noticed this to be true. Even in my own life, I can definitely tell you the times where I was the happiest, I was making more of an effort to be positive. In comparison, I can tell you that the times where I have been the unhappiest were the times when I did not make the effort to be positive.

So why on earth would anyone NOT want to make the extra effort to be positive? Well, it's harder than it sounds. This is especially true when your circumstances outweigh your attitude. Like I said, the Law of Attraction is not completely fool-proof, so bad things are going to happen to you no matter how positive you are. Because bad things are in-eminent, it's easy to get burned out. Hence, the 'woe-is-me' syndrome takes over. Once you start to feel sorry for yourself, you're opening the door to negativity.

I have definitely been feeling sorry for myself lately. Either I'm tired of being tired, or I'm sick of being sick, or I'm stressed from being stressed. These negative feelings just feed off of themselves and really begin to break a person down. As a result, I have been feeling more negative lately, and I've been looking for escapes in negative venues (sometimes drowning myself in TV, shutting off my phone, or eating unhealthy things). These things are negative because they don't allow me to feel any better about my situation or myself. Instead of turning to these venues, healthier options would be to go for a run, read a book or do research, talk to a friend, or get crafty. When you open yourself to new ideas, or give yourself a 'blank slate', then you're giving yourself the space for change to happen. If you shut yourself off from the world, and close your mind, then change doesn't have a way to find you. You metaphorically, and sometimes literally, end up drowning in your own negativity. It's kind of amazing once you really think about it.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself for being tired, sick, or the rear-ending my van took yesterday from a 15-year old, I'm going to take these things as bumps in the road, and look for positivity in all of them. As far as being tired, I can say that I've been working hard and I'm proud that I can go to bed every night wiped out from rocking so many things out in one day. For being sick, I can say my immunity will be built up again now, and I probably won't get sick for quite some time now since I'm generally more of a healthy person. As far as the rear-ending, I'm happy I didn't get hurt, and that I didn't cause the accident.

Now, for the things in my life that I want to change. I just need to keep opening myself up, and remembering that when one door closes, there's always a window that'll open. There's always other ways to handle things other than stuffing that piece of chocolate in my mouth, or shutting out my friends and family, or being fed ideas from my TV. I'm ready to get creative. I'm ready to attract change and positivity. Are you?

Things I'm grateful for today:

1) Diet Pepsi
2) Emojis on my iPhone
3) Sunshine (and sunsets) :)

Things I'm positive about today:

1) The new opportunities that I'm opening myself up to
2) The fact that I've completed all the paperwork for my volunteer opportunity at Sanford
3) That I'm beginning to realize the importance of re-prioritizing my life (more on this discussion soon!)

Three obtainable goals for tomorrow:

1) Make plans to meet with friends for some fun
2) Keep building my creative ideas and projects (I have REALLY enjoyed this project so far)
3) Buy a vase of flowers for someone who doesn't expect it- seriously! :)

Unearthing the Lost

Centering myself once again, I'm taking a deep breath and diving back into my daily meditations and list-making. You probably noticed I took a break, as you knew I would! I do have troubles sticking to some commitments! However, this is one commitment I really should not break! Here's why...

I'm starting to realize that there's a lot of things that I've buried away and haven't touched. I have holes here and there in my heart, and anxieties in my head. I find it hard to trust at times - even myself! So, instead of facing my internal fears, I keep pushing forward without thinking, and that my friends is where I run into trouble. I've noticed that at all the times my worst decisions have been made, were the times when I wasn't thinking - they were made when I was blindly running full-speed ahead. So it's time I sloooow down, and breathe. Life is too short to keep moving forward without reflecting. Why, if I never reflected, I would never be able to see growth. And so even though I'm kind of a hypocrite, I highly recommend some sort of journaling or daily meditation for anyone -whether you're happy or unhappy. All of life is meant to be enjoyed, and one key part that I've forgotten to enjoy is the part where I sit and think about all of the great things I've been granted. I'm unearthing the lost and the forgotten, and putting some color back in my world!

My lists for today then!

Things I am grateful for:

1) I am grateful that I was able to take a full-hour lunch and leave work on-time today! I love my job, but it is important to 'clock-out' occasionally too!

2) I am grateful that I was able to take a really long time to go for a long run, and lift weights. I feel sooo refreshed and centered now!

3) I am grateful that I was able to enjoy a nice, long, relaxing bubble bath! What a great way to soothe away stress!

Things I am positive about:

1) I am positive that the rest of this work week will go well! I truly think I add a great amount to our team, and I'm so blessed to have so many wonderful co-workers!

2) I am positive that I am finally recovering from all the sickness that I've endured in the last month! I fought it out, and I'm finally feeling back to 100%!

3) I am positive about the research I've been doing on self-evaluation and self-improvement. I'm learning from some of the best philosophers out there, and they're greatly influencing my personal discoveries. I know my documentations, evaluations and analysis are very small and humble compared to theirs, but alas, I find that simple works for me!

Three Obtainable Goals for tomorrow:

1) Smile more - did you know that when you smile, you are literally forcing yourself to be happier? Even if a smile is 'fake', you'll create endorphins! This is why people who get Botox are generally happier! They cannot make sad/unhappy faces as easily! Crazy! :)

2) Do a nice favor for someone without expecting anything in return :)

3) Take another significant amount of time and allocate it towards exercise and meditation :) 

Finding Peace

Before I begin, I had a few technical difficulties trying to post, but these thoughts are from yesterday and were still written last night before I went to bed.. Enjoy!

Soaking in the quiet darkness once again, I’m enjoying another opportunity to be and reflect upon my day and my feelings. All-in-all, this day was even slightly better than yesterday; again, I had a more positive outlook, and was able to accomplish more today too, if I dare say so! Work was full of projects that kept me hopping all day, and then after I got off, I quickly packed up my things to go back to Madison. Now, I’m sitting in what used to be my old bedroom and feel very much ‘at home’ and ‘at peace’. It is so wonderful to feel my body resting and relaxing; I feel it so much that it’s almost as if my body’s audibly communicating to my brain.

So with another opportunity to rest, I will again make my lists for the day.

Things I am grateful for:

1) The ability to come ‘home’ and feel at home in mind, body and spirit

2) The fact that I still have a sense of humor, even if at times it’s slightly over-the-top! Haha!

3) The chance to completely recalibrate myself before the beginning of a new work week, including nail pampering, long bubble baths, extensive workouts, and total mind de-cluttering

Things I am positive about:

1) I am positive that I definitely noticed a difference in my outlook today. I was able to keep a smile on my face for most of the day, and I definitely felt lighter overall.

2) I am positive that I am starting to feel a little less responsible about things outside of my control. I’m an ultra control freak, so when things go awry, I tend to go a little crazy, and I’m happy that I’ve been able to keep things in more accurate perspective.

3) I am positive about the fact that I’m allocating energy and time to improve myself internally. It’s so valuable to build oneself from the inside-out.

Three simple goals I hope to accomplish tomorrow:

1) Go on a nice, refreshing run

2) Take plenty of time to pamper myself

3) Take Tyler on a nice dinner out and treat him to whatever he’d like from the menu

Daily Dose

I am sitting in the quiet warmth of my apartment once again lavishing in the luxury of the calm walls and the soft glow of two candles lit nearby. It is peaceful and I feel whole and centered once again. I noticed today was a bit more manageable, and maybe it was my imagination (or just a placebo effect) but I already felt significantly better about myself amongst the flurry of deadlines to meet at work today. I didn't feel anxious for even a minute! I'm already starting to feel my body and spirit shift towards a more positive outlook, like a plant leaf turns to find the sun. So without further ado, I will commence on my lists for today.

Things I am grateful for:

1) The time that I was able to spend with my sister after work tonight. It was so fun to make bagel pizzas, drink some hard lemonade, and just laugh and smile. So often I forget the simple power of a smile :) It's fun, and it's a good look for me.. I should wear one more often :)

2) I am grateful for another opportunity to simple sit and be. I'm really starting to find this to be addicting, and it's only my second day. It's really fun and awesome to be able to reflect and think about what I want to accomplish and how blessed I am :)

3) I'm thankful that I got to spend more time with Duchess, my bunny too. Being with her allows me to stay less stressed as well!

Things I am positive about:

1) I am positive that I will discover something truly magnificent on this self-discovery journey. I'm not sure what.. And maybe all this 'self talk' might turn a few of you off, but I encourage you all to do the same. There's so much we can discover about ourselves and others if we just stop to listen.

2) I am positive about this weekend. I know if will be very relaxing to spend time away from my worries and go back to being just 'Catheryn'. No title, no rank, other than 'sister', 'daughter', 'granddaughter', and 'loved', which my favorite titles.

3) I am positive about these next few months at work. There are lots of projects on the forefront, and lots of exciting things to plan for and to look forward to. I really do feel like I am getting the hang of things as time goes on. There's a lot to do and SO much to learn. I know I'll keep making mistakes along the way, but how else will I learn?

Three goals for myself for tomorrow:

1) Wake up 30 minutes early again and work out
2) Find another 30 minutes to just 'sit' and 'be'
3) Smile at 5 strangers, strike up a conversation with 1, and give an unsuspected compliment :) 

Nothing Short of ...

Right now I'm enjoying the pleasure of sitting still, in a soft, quiet, semi-dark room, wrapped in a blanket, with my wet hair tied in a towel turban. I have no makeup on, nor worries in the world. I'm sipping on Diet Sierra Mist (still waiting to recover from the bad bout of stomach flu I suffered from on Monday night -yuck!), and thinking about how I really just want to eat my whole jar of Nutella that my half-awake conscience convinced me I needed to buy on my stop to the grocery store after work... dun. Dun. DUNN!

Oh the joys of being home alone just resting. I need more of this. Lately I have just been running. Not my normal definition of running either (my health/fitness goals within the last week have been totally trashed due to my horrendous outbreaks of sickness). Yes, I have been sick for the last 3 weeks. Yes, you read correctly 3 WEEKS. I had a cold, then was better for two days, then my body decided to get ANOTHER cold (which I'm still suffering from), and THEN my body decided to get the stomach flu. Coincidence? I think not. There's far too much stress in my life right now. It may not seem that way.. I usually have a way of coming off rather poised and on-top of things, but I am STRESSED. And tired. And ready for some time to feel truly HAPPY and POSITIVE again.

Okay, so enough of the whining already. I know that the first method to rid oneself of negativity is to no longer have negative thoughts. The more times one repeats negative thoughts the higher the likelihood that one's going to start believing it. It's kind of like that old wive's tale -- 'you are what you eat', which is still fairly true! You are what you say you are, and I'm ready to say that I'm not perfect, but I can be someone who can make a difference. 

I could go on and on about all the ways I want to make a difference. It does no good though if I don't actively pursue a way to get to those goals though, right? It's nothing short of an epiphany. 

So today, I'm challenging myself. I will write. Every day. 3 things I'm thankful for and 3 things I am positive about. I can also include 1-3 reasonable goals for myself. I will post every day, and you can follow along. It'll be a small experiment. I shall measure my happiness 90 days from now, and then we shall have results. 

So, without further ado, here are my lists for today: 

Things I am thankful for today: 

1) The feeling of a fresh-washed face

2) Time to snuggle with my bunny 

3) Forgiving myself for my short comings on this day

Things I am positive about today: 

1) I am positive that my stomach is finally on the mend

2) I am positive about the fact that I am still cavity-free and got a glowing report from the Dentist today

3) I am positive about how blessed I am to have such a loving and fun mother and sisters. I can always depend on them whenever I'm feeling down or lonely 

Goals for tomorrow:

1) Wake up 30 minutes earlier and walk or jog for 30 minutes 

2) Take some time to meditate and pray (again 30 minutes would be great) 

3) Do something nice for someone who doesn't expect it 

What are your goals? How about things your positive about or thankful for? Soon I shall create a pin-spiration board as well. I'll make sure to include a link once it's up and running :) Thanks again for all of your support!