Scared Straight

I don't know if you've ever experienced jitters the night before a big day at a new job, or butterflies in your stomach right before giving an important speech in public, or even get a little freaked out the idea of introducing yourself to a room full of new people, but if you're like me, you'll know that it's pretty darn scary in any of these scenarios.

This last week I've had troubles closing my eyes and going to sleep mainly because I've begun a whole new journey that will keep me pretty occupied in the next four years. I've *finally* begun pharmacy school!

Last year when I was taking pre-pharmacy classes, it seemed so far away, and I was so scared that I couldn't even make it through that. This summer, even after I had already been accepted into the program, I had to face major challenges. After you are accepted, if you still have classes to complete, you have to get a 'B' or better in any remaining class... Although that may not sound too overly daunting, trying to finish up 12 credits with a B or better, all while being faced with crunched time, hours at work, and just trying to remain a normal human (who occasionally eats and sleeps), it was exhausting. Quite honestly, it scared the crap out of me too, but that is why I'm writing here today..

On our first day of school, during our orientation program, we were encouraged to write a letter to a freshman pre-pharmacy student to give them advice. Although I didn't offer much advice specifically about pharmacy or classwork, I did think of a few things that I always try to carry with me. First and foremost, I suggested to that future student that she should always be grateful for the opportunity that she has in front of her. Any challenge should be seen as an opportunity- and it should be respected. Second, I suggested to that girl that she should really think about the things she wants and life- and to never stop reaching until she could get there - and that's where the fear-factor comes in.

If you want success in your life, no matter who you are or where you are in life, I'd suggest doing something every day that scares you. Now I don't mean putting yourself in great amounts of danger or doing frivolous things without thinking... I'm saying you should take a calculated risk, that may benefit you- even if it scares you. For example, if you are in school, raise your hand to offer an idea in class - even if you might be wrong- you are learning to own your voice. If you're a stay-at-home mom with kids crawling over you and driving you bonkers, take them to a daycare just for a day to relax and just be *you* again - even if it seems scary to drop them off. If you've never gone to the gym, get a punch card that will allow you to try different classes, and try to say hi to one new person each day. Give a stranger a compliment, or start a conversation with someone while you wait in a line. You never know what you may find out about someone- and you never know where that conversation might lead. 

Every day and every situation presents an opportunity. First (and always) be grateful for that exact moment that you are in, and then go ahead and dare to make that unexpected leap. Be scared. You'll end up being surprised at how much you can grow, and you'll end up being even more grateful for all of the wonderful experiences that you've had.

When Did I Let "Less Than" Rule Me?

I still remember the day that I walked up to the platform at Dakota State University to give my salutatorian speech. I just remember that day being so wonderful. It was one of those moments in my life where I had such an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. I was so proud of myself, and felt so certain about my future. I thought I had a plan.

Well they always say that God laughs at the plans that man makes for himself. I guess this was pretty much how it went down. Looking back, I don't regret a thing. I'm so glad I had that experience. DSU helped me to unearth the real me. It helped me to discover that I have creative tendencies, and a deep desire to connect with music, art, and the abstract. It taught me to think of bigger things than just myself. It was the springboard that allowed me to jump into so many different areas including a job that taught me that I was meant to be someone more. It taught me to respect myself and to never feel like I should deserve anything less than what I was worth.

Now after two years at Lewis drug as a pharmacy technician, I've prepared myself for the next huge step in my educational journey. I'm moving on to pharmacy school! Yes, I'm sure most of you already knew that, but now it's really here. I've gotten through some real hardships, and I have continued to persevere even when it did seem impossible.

And trust me. There were many times I wanted to give up. I thought I wasn't smart enough. I thought I wouldn't be able to figure it out. I barely knew more than the basics in chemistry. I would beat myself down during these times and tell myself that I was 'less than' the other students pursuing the same journey as me. I'd sit in the car after taking a test and sometimes cry because I felt so nervous that I wouldn't make the cut. I thought that even though I was trying my hardest, I was still somehow unqualified for even trying to make it.

My journey with health and wellness has also gone similarly. It's funny how all areas of your life really are linked together... Anyway, even when I weighed the least, a mere (and somewhat skeletal) 120 pounds at 5'10" I still felt at times that I was 'less than' the other women I'd see. After finally letting myself just be content, I was truly healthy for several years and gained a little weight back to be more stable. Going back to school did put quite a bit of stress on me though, and I've stopped taking the time to properly respect my body with consistent exercise and healthy eating choices. However, now I've come to look at the health process very differently. There is not a magical solution that is going to make you look good- you have to work hard- own your mistakes- and get right back up and keep going. I'm still healthy and content with how I look, but it's a continuing process.

After dealing with these struggles, I really know though, that I am worth more. I should not let the 'less than' fear rule me. For with confidence, and God's grace, I can truly become the strongest person I can be. So, going on from here, I'm ready to really put my fears behind me.

I'm ready to be more than I am today - even if it's just baby steps or one small thing every single day. It will be a process - I just have to learn to trust in the process - to let go, to jump, to be 'more than'.