Blank Slate

Once upon a time, almost three and a half years ago, a scared young woman took flight from the comfort of her home nest with her parents to move to the "big city". She was so unsure of what life would bring and had so many hopes, dreams and fears. She was chasing so many things, and this was the time where she could finally be out on her own and to take the creative freedom she wanted so badly for her life. She had a blank slate to begin writing her story. That story started in apartment #216, and her story is mine.

At that point, I remember feeling so proud of myself that I was living on my own in what at the time seemed like a luxury apartment. I remember feeling so established, independent and even brave. It felt like I could finally make mistakes and stretch myself in new directions. Yet I realize now how very little I knew - that's what being independent is all about though.

That apartment was my nirvana. I could cozy up at night and read books, watch my favorite shows like Downton Abbey and revel in the quiet. I grew up in a family of eight, so I was so used to chaos always, but now was different. I could make my own schedules, I no longer had a curfew, and I was a career woman just doing what I thought I knew best.

That apartment was also a place where I could build myself up each day. I would get ready and put on my face of makeup every day; I'd workout in the exercise facility; I'd try to cook and fail. Although it was a great place for all of these things, it was also the place where I could come home and night and cry if I needed to. I could feel weak, small and clueless there. I'd feel just totally stuck in the muddle of life, and feel so helpless and lonely. It was a place where I discovered a lot about myself. I learned that I wasn't cut out to be in the digital world anymore. It was where I remembered that I thrive on challenges and social environments that promote positivity and learning.

After living alone in that apartment for over two years, my husband Tyler eventually joined me and that was such an exciting time. It was definitely cramped and crowded, but we made it work and learned to appreciate each other's personal space. It was a great place to bond with him and we made it work.

Now after packing up all of the boxes, and cleaning that apartment from top to bottom, it once again looks like that blank slate. I shut the door for the last time knowing that someone else will have the opportunity to bring their life to light in a new environment. It's an end to my chapter there, and the invitation for a new chapter to another.

Now that I'm a homeowner, I feel especially blessed that we are so fortunate to have had the experiences that we have had, and I'm looking forward to doodling on the blank slate that is our home. I know I will grow so much more between these walls - and that anticipation is pretty great!

Reflections and Resolutions

The new year has just begun and it's time for the tradition of activating all of the resolutions that were just mere thoughts in our heads from the night before. Now that the first day of the year has almost passed, a thought may have crossed our minds... "just what was I thinking last night?"... and "it won't hurt if I start tomorrow, or next Monday, right?"...

I can identify with these types of thoughts because the idea of change is so daunting. It's so uncomfortable. So unnerving.... At least that's what we may tend to dwell on, right? I mean it's easy to focus on all of the things that are "wrong" in our lives and all of the things we want to CHANGE. We want to be more educated, more talented, more athletic, and less lazy, eat less junk food, and be less messy. Whatever change it is that we have in mind it is DIFFERENT from our norm and that is what makes it so difficult to adjust to.

To reiterate, it seems to be the VOIDS that we tend to focus on when we make these resolutions. We might be comparing our lives to fictional characters, idolized celebrities, or some sort of idealized version of ourselves. The truth of the matter is though that we cannot change without first taking the moment to reflect and realize all of the GOOD that fills our lives. The new year isn't supposed to be about punishing ourselves for not being that concept in our head. The new year should really be just another chance to recharge and take a step beyond those good intentions. Think about the ACTION instead of the pain. Think about what effect your actions can have. 

So I give you permission to rethink your resolutions. Take a good look in the mirror, and maybe grab a pad of paper. I want you to write down 10 things you are grateful for and 10 things that you LIKE about yourself. Once you have done that, then you will be more open-minded to the opportunity for challenge. Yes - I say challenge because we as humans are designed to think in terms of a competition or make things into a game. Once you change your mindset and no longer look at your resolution as a chore or a punishment and look at it as a challenge - that is when you will find success. Success comes because you cannot spell CHALLENGE without CHANGE.

So whether your resolution be to get in better shape, read more books, do more good deeds, or travel the world, find the challenge and excitement that pushes you to seek more. Look at yourself with love and appreciation and you will not be disappointed. Be challenged and be changed and enjoy 2016 to the fullest of your capability.