Breath of Anticipation

We're all familiar with this moment... The lights are dim, the warm faces of your friends and family encircling you with their eyes bright and their faces illuminated by the soft glow of neon candles melting into the silky, sugary palette of frosting decking the sweet, spongy birthday cake about to be consumed. They're all waiting. The cheerful tune of 'happy birthday' has just been sung, and spirits are high. Anticipation is higher. Thinking with your eyes pinched tightly, and holding in all your hopes in dreams, you inhale and then your eyes burst open along with a forceful exhale to extinguish the candles, and release your dreams into the world, and the year ahead of you.

There's nothing quite like a birthday for a time to examine yourself and think good and hard about what you've accomplished, and what you hope to accomplish within the next year. You also know that it's a time where you get to make a wish, and not just any wish, but a wish that will be added to your life's story. Maybe the wish does not always come true, but it is always answered - perhaps unexpectedly, or in a way that you would not prefer, but it is still an answer.

These moments surround us.. these breaths of anticipation. And they don't necessarily come often, but they're important. They allow us the opportunity to completely give in to our deepest desires, and to put it out to the world without any shame - even if it is in the form of a secret, or a wish. The smoke carries our unsaid words and scatters the hopes into ever nook in our homes, and then disperses into the atmosphere. It's like magic. It's exciting, thrilling, and just plain fun. That's why birthdays, new years, and anniversaries are so meaningful. They're a milestone for us to stop and think and plan for what may lie ahead, while appreciating what we have experienced in the past. They're a moment to be grateful, optimistic, and determined. And although these moments only last a moment, they are the breaths of anticipation. As long as we exhale our hopes and dreams when given these fleeting opportunities, then we can be a part of what has been and what is to come. Come what may, and love it. Life is constantly poetic, and let us never forget it :)

Things I am grateful for today:

1) A wonderful birthday which I was able to celebrate with my loving family and friends. I am so incredibly blessed to have so many people wishing well things for me.

2) The opportunity to meditate, and anticipate what I want to accomplish in the year ahead of me. I know 23 will bring many big changes my way. I will go places, and do so many new things. I have potential, and I'm ready to see it blossom :)

3) My sister and Tyler. My two soul mates. Both know every single thing about me, and love me despite or in spite of those things :)

Things I am positive about:

1) Changes that are to come my way. Honestly, I feel like one of those old people that gets the feeling in their bones before the weather changes. Something wonderful and amazing is about to happen. I know it. I FEEL it :)

2) Love. I have so many loving people, and I am learning to love more too. I'm really beginning to learn to love myself, embrace myself, and live out loud.

3) Charity. I'm about to be given a great opportunity to share my time and talents with those in-need, and there is nothing more rewarding than being the help that someone needs so much.

Three goals for tomorrow:

1) Stay positive, and immerse myself completely into what I do. Live, breathe, and be social.

2) Call and talk to a friend I haven't talked to in awhile :)

3) Take care of some of the cobwebs and clutter that has collected in my brain, and cross some things off on my mental checklists

When the Stars Go Blue

Have you ever heard this song by Tim McGraw or Ryan Adams? It's a beautiful song, really. Whenever I hear it, it takes me to deep place. Normally I'm pretty light, and whimsical, but I have to wonder how many times I've been the woman in this song... 

How many times have I danced like a marionette in her wooden shoes? How many times have I forgotten what truly makes *me* happy, and just gone with what the strings attached to me told me to do? It's easy to do, because that's what feels... safe. 

I know this song also seems to be a man singing how he will care for this girl no matter how much she's compromised herself. I have to wonder, is that 'man' God? Perhaps it could be... and perhaps we should consider it.

I know that spirituality is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. I find it hard to trust sometimes, and to give my life over to someone who isn't 'me'. I've had disappointments in my life, like many of you have, so of course, after you've been burned a few times, it's easy to get discouraged and lose faith. I'm also extremely self-reliant, so it's difficult for me to give up the very little control I do feel I have in my life, but it's so important! Once we give up our 'strings of life' and let God follow us and guide, even when we cannot see Him or understand Him, that's when we can find ultimate happiness.

Now, I'm not trying to claim that I do any of these things full-time. I'm fully aware that it's a commitment that has to be made every day, and I know I've had a lot of star-less days and nights lately, where I really don't feel like there's anything out there, but I know deep down that my feelings aren't true. Yes, I have felt discouraged lately, and a little lost, but I've also felt extremely creative in my professional life, and am starting to gain more confidence in myself. This journey to finding self-acceptance will also have to be a journey to accept God. God created me and knows everything about me, so maybe I should start asking Him a bit more often than I have. I think I should make it a full-time commitment. Maybe I'll find some more answers? Maybe I'll make some new discoveries? Maybe another purpose for my life will be revealed? I'm not really sure, but I'm not going to wait anymore. It's time to let go and let God.

Things I'm grateful for today:

1) The patience, dedication and enthusiasm of my co-workers
2) Running :)
3) Warmer temperatures

Things I'm positive about today:

1) I'm positive that I will awaken my spiritual connections, and learn to love and trust in God more
2) I'm positive about the progress I've been making with my clients at work, as well as the flood of creative ideas I've had lately
3) I'm positive about the level of focus I've had lately. Normally I'm more likely to space out and day-dream, but I've been very disciplined and focused lately, and have been more productive as a result.

Three Goals for Tomorrow:
1) Take 30 minutes to pray and meditate
2) Go to bed earlier.. ;)
3) Staying positive about all of my daily tasks and duties :)

A Little Bit Daring

Every now and then, we are propelled into taking a step outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes it's because we are asked, and other times it is because we take it upon ourselves. Of course, taking that first step (or sometimes leap) of faith is not easy. It can prove to be very difficult and you may even dread it - I know I do from time to time. What we must remember though, is what we may feel like after we take a leap or step of faith, though.

Life is never predictable, and there will be things that will be thrown our ways that will be some of the trickiest, the happiest, or the saddest times of our lives. It's how we react to these situations that shapes us too. Learning to act and react with poise is key - keeping a cool head will help you maintain the proportion of the situation, and not let it get the best of you.

Being a creative, I am asked every day to take a step outside of my comfort zone. Yes, it's frightening, but it's also highly exhilarating! I have the opportunity to do something new every day, and I have been graced with the opportunity to create new ideas every day. It's a real blessing, and a real responsibility!

I am also asking myself again to take a few steps outside of my comfort zone and become even more of an open person. I know I can be quite shy sometimes, so I've been making an effort to increase my social strategies as well! Whether I'm just visiting a bit more in depth with a cashier at Wal-Mart or communicating the status of a project at work, I'm trying to implement a more conversational approach. As a very self-driven person, conversing with others sometimes doesn't get first priority, but I'm going to branch out a bit, and try it. I can still be professional and serious while incorporating a bit more fun. :)

Things I am grateful for:

1) Today's weather... it was GORGEOUS! I'll be running outside again before you know it! :)
2) A GREAT weekend of fun and relaxation, and of course spending time with Tyler! <3
3) That I'm feeling 100% healthy finally!!

Things I am positive about:

1) I'm positive that my creativity has been coming in leaps and bounds lately! It's almost like I can't contain all the ideas and brainstorms I have! It's thrilling!
2) All the wonderful memories that I've been trying to call back lately. It's crazy to think that I graduated almost a year ago already, and that I haven't worked at Pamida in almost a year! I am positive about my progress, and I'm positive about all that is to come!
3) I am positive about finding more time to do some simple things like reading, watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey, or meditating.

Three Goals for tomorrow:

1) Keep plugging away at putting ideas together, and keep giving 110% to all I do while having FUN
2) Remember to do my laundry and take out my garbage (I've been neglecting both of these things for days now! haha)
3) Start putting ideas together for the chair I'm going to create for the South Dakota Ad Federation Chair-ity fundraiser :)