This time of year we celebrate all of the change our world is providing. Even though these changes happen every year, there is so much wonder and awe they seem to create. There is so much magic in the air and the brilliant colors of the leaves delight the eyes. Nature reminds us of the beauty of letting go, falling, and freeing ourselves as we await the new. It also reminds us that we don’t have to let these changes happen quietly. It can be a little messy, very colorful, cold, and turbulent. These changes bring us closer to times that we turn towards each other more. The changes invite us to get more in touch with our childlike tendencies. We get to dress up, play, kick the leaves, wear cozy pajamas, drink warm cocoa, and wear our favorite hats, scarves and sweaters again.
I always find this time of year to be so exciting. This time of year brings some of my favorite things including our wedding anniversary, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. I’m also reminded of the wonderful memory of going to London five years ago with my grandpa. Although this is a beautiful time, there are definitely some darker things that have happened during this time too. I hold onto the sadness of my grandma’s death, a traumatic split between my parents, 9/11, and current events including wars in Ukraine and Palestine. This time of year is a bit of a mixed bag, but I’m choosing to experience the joy. I really have fallen into what they refer to as “romanticizing your life”. Is my life picture perfect? Certainly not. Am I very happy with the changes that have happened recently though? Yes!
I do feel like the prayers, manifestation, positive thoughts and energies have all started to pay off. I first of all am so excited to announce that I think I’ve finally found my dream pharmacy position which I will start here soon. I’m finally leaving retail and will be trying out long term care pharmacy again, but this time with the Minnesota VA. I am so thrilled to be working regular hours with no nights or weekends despite a very rare occurrence of being on-call to assist patients from my home with authorization for controlled substances for severe or emergent cases. Yes, I’ve done long term care pharmacy before, but I feel in my gut that this experience will be much more positive than my last experience. I think I’m just most glad to be able to be more present in Charlotte’s life. Barring any extreme circumstances, I will be home to tuck her in every single night. I will no longer be gone 10+ hours on weekend days.
With this change though, I will have to prepare myself mentally to take better care of myself. Now that I’ll be working traditional hours of 8-4:30 or 9:30-6, I will have to be more diligent about routines and especially self care. Although, I’ve certainly had a good wake up call to that recently anyway! Sadly, I’ve been working so hard and over-exercising which led to me getting sick then developing pneumonia all while training for a half marathon. Sadly, I had to defer my entrance to the race until next year, but I’m proud that I recognized my illness. In my past, I would have pushed through this all regardless. Of course, I’m a little worried about what this traditional schedule will mean for my personal endeavors, but I plan to keep my free time sacred and chase after my dreams. It’s so critical as a parent to remain true to yourself, and I’m so determined to keep chasing after my goals.
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and even though sometimes it’s 10-steps backwards in order to make one step forward, at least there is pay-off. No it’s never immediate, and sometimes it’s not glamorous at all, but it’s life. I’m soaking in the joy right now. I’m choosing to look past my pains and see the good. I’m embracing the change.
