New Beginnings

As a new year opens and 2013 closes, many of us may be thinking that it is time to open a new chapter in our lives. Every year millions of folks all around the world make resolutions to change themselves for the better - whether they are letting something go, or promising to do something more - it is a time of new beginnings for us all.

So what does the phrase 'New Beginnings' mean to you? Well, if nothing's coming to mind, then I urge you to watch this beautiful commercial from Google. Not only does it have a great message, but it is beautiful to watch. 

Like this commercial, our lives are beautiful to watch too. Maybe in the day-to-day we do not notice the small changes taking place in our lives, but they are there. This year I am making it my duty to be more perceptive to change and to appreciate even the smallest of new beginnings. 

For this year, I specifically resolve to drink more water (at least 50 oz every day), run a half marathon (specifically the Brookings Half Marathon in May), read at least one book every month, to let go of my insecurities, anxiety, and OCD tendencies, and to write one blog post every week (even if it's short), and reestablish my YouTube channel. 

I really want to document the year 2014 - so that I can focus on the positive growth in my life. After a somewhat tumultuous 2013, I happily close the door, and look forward to all the new experiences 2014 will bring. 

What are your resolutions for 2014? How do you perceive the phrase 'New Beginnings' in your life? And, how do you plan to notice the everyday new beginnings that you have been given? 

I Am Grateful

Things in my life have definitely improved in the last weeks - my new chapter in my career and professional development have brought me so much joy, and it feels so wonderful to share this abounding joy with everyone much more than I did in the past year. I have found my new 'niche', and even though it may not even be a job that requires a degree, I feel so positive and happy - two things that I thought were void in the working world. It's not your job or title that will ever define you. It is YOU and your attitude that will speak much louder than any letters or stars that may follow your name.

No matter what way my life takes me (even if I am Dr. Catheryn some day), I PROMISE myself that I will remember to be grateful and patient. I thank YOU for making my life truly meaningful, whether you are my best friend, a close acquaintance, or a distant friend, or someone I may not even know very well yet. You give me purpose. You give me motivation. You give me a shoulder and an ear. You give me space to be. You give me hope. You give me heart.

For all this, and so much more I am truly grateful.

xo

From the Rooftops

A rooftop is a place of immersion. From the rooftop, you can look across the horizon; on a rooftop, you're well above your normal standing point, and you can see everything from a different perspective; from a rooftop, you are one with the sky, and yet grounded. The stars are just overhead, and the future surrounds. When you climb to the rooftop, you can just think a little more clearly, and see a little more precisely... I've recently had some rooftop revelations, and I'm more than happy to share....

Have you ever heard of the concept: you get what you put in? I'm finding this statement to be more true than ever.

In recent months, I've come across many people who I consider 'naysayers'. A Naysayer, as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is one who 'denies, refuses, opposes, or is skeptical or cynical about something'. Frankly, these are people I tend to avoid, and more than ever I'm ready to break free from the negative and fly towards the positive.

Along with the naysayers, I've also been troubled by those who can 'talk the talk' but who never 'walk the walk'. I like commitment, and I myself am carving it in stone right now, 'do it, or regret it'.

So what does this all have to do rooftop revelations? Good question! Today, I plan to teach you a simple trick; I will warn you though, it takes years to master, and countless times of trial to perfect. I don't consider myself to be the best at it, but I know it works. How? Well, it opens your eyes and allows you to see from that rooftop perspective.

The next time you are faced with a difficult thought, or you are stuck in between knowing the results of something that means a lot to you, you have to shout positive affirmations. Now, I don't mean that you have to physically shout things - that might just be a little too 'cray' for your friends and family. You just have to shout it into your own head.

One particular trial in my life where I truly began to master the art of rooftop shouting was in my weight loss journey. I still look back on old photos, and say, wow.... wow... I see pain in those old photos. I see excuses. I see pain I was bottling in. I had accepted that I was at my best and I had settled for it. It was really a sad time for me because I was stuffing so many emotions in. My anxiety had overrun my life, and I compensated for it with sweets.

The first step was for me to get FED UP. I was tired of feeling sluggish and tired, so I made a promise, and I shouted at myself. Then, as soon as I made changes, I had to keep shouting at myself - 'NO' to the brownie, 'NO' to the second helping, and 'YES' to discovering inner beauty and inner strength. 'YES' to the 8 minute mile, 'YES' to the 10lb dumbbells, and 'YES' to the extra 20 minutes on the treadmill. Although there were so many 'No's' there were soooo many more 'YES's'!

YES is such a wonderful compensation. It's the best word- the gold star you're hoping for- the A+ on your paper- and the affirmation you need to KEEP GOING. The same tactic works in so many other parts of life.

When you feel like you're stuck, even with a simple task and you feel overwhelmed, say YES and make a plan to tackle it - head on. DREAM BIG - there's nothing that can stand in your way.

Let's say you're a new grad and you're feeling overwhelmed with the job search... Believe in YOURSELF - you are the best and most talented person in your industry and you're determined to get the job of your dreams - if you truly SHOUT IT to yourself, you will! You'll nail that interview, and you will get that job, and you will MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Let's say you're even struggling with a day full of chores. Instead of drowning into thinking 'I'll NEVER get this ALL DONE' think 'YES- a CHALLENGE'. Make a plan and GET IT! The day is yours - seize it and SHOUT IT.

It's fun once you discover the power of self affirmation. Yes, it takes years and countless trials to master, but it's so much more fun to live life in the YES - so go ahead and SHOUT IT!

Project Sparkle

Today marks the FIRST day of a journey I'm taking to better myself, and to tune in more to who I am.

I'm ready to make a BIG CHANGE in my life. For too long now I've been stifling the truth and hiding under this mask of happiness. I'm ready to forget the safety net and to do something worthwhile.

Let me take a couple steps backwards. I have a confession to make. I've been extremely unhappy. I've allowed myself to sink to new levels of low self esteem and self worth. I've made some poor decisions lately, and I've turned to all of the wrong places to reignite the joy I once had at the end of my college career. This last year has been painful - a cold, hard reality check. I lost sight of what I wanted for myself and conformed to what society told me to do. Welp, I'm done with that. It's over. That plastic Catheryn plastered with the fake smile and the fake positive attitude is LONG GONE. Now, she's going to be REAL.

REAL HAPPINESS. REAL SMILES. REAL SUCCESS.

First, it starts with a new attitude. No more "I'm fat" comments, no more "I'm dumb" comments, no more fear, and no more negativity. Negativity is BANISHED from my life and brain.

I need to turn these negatives into positives - instead of feeling like I'm not skinny or pretty enough I WILL learn to appreciate my beauty for what it is. I will build my beauty around my ACTIONS not my image.

Instead of feeling like I'm not smart enough or talented enough, I need to take more risks and find more joy in the simple things. Instead of criticizing myself for enjoying an afternoon of just 'being', I need to see it as an opportunity to better myself.

Instead of constantly being afraid of not having enough money, or not being 'successful' enough, I need to branch out and try more new things. I need to volunteer, give back more, and get more involved.

And most importantly, there will be no more negativity. If something makes me unhappy, I will face it head-on and try to actively better that situation or feeling.

Am I ashamed of writing these goals down so the world can see? NO. I'm proud. I feel vindicated and strong. I don't care who judges me or why they are. This is a journey that will take lots of dedication.

June 1st.

I will not have another single alcoholic drink until this day. Have I been abusing alchol? No, not really, but it clouds my mind and does not allow me to move past my fears. Time to 'put down the drink' and stay away from going out to the bar with friends until I get some thinking done. (Yes, this includes wine... insert whimpers here... hah!)

I will also find other working opportunities. I'm hoping to be SERIOUSLY headed in the right direction by this time. The work environment I'm in now has some major negativity issues for me, and I'm done pretending I'm okay with it. Will any workplace be 'perfect'? No, but let's face it. I deserve to be happy.

I will join POSITIVE groups. Bible studies, community plays, and volunteering? SIGN ME UP. I'm really looking to add more purpose to my life.

Seek spiritual guidance. I will become a part of a group that will spiritually inspire me. God has granted me with so many wonderful gifts. I need to find the right group who will celebrate with me.

Do something crazy. Pierce my belly button or try ice skating? I say YES. I enjoy adventure. I need to feed that craving to live on the edge. Maybe these things aren't that shocking to the average person, but I tend to keep my guard MUCH too high. I'm letting go. :)

~ Like I said, I feel proud, vindicated and STRONG. Life is going to go a better direction for me now. God has a plan for me, and it's time I FOLLOWED it.

After all, a diamond is JUST a piece of CHARCOAL that handled stress exceptionally well. :)

Cruising

Sometimes as I drive at night with my windows rolled down, seeing lights and stars, I think of how big the world is, and then I get this incredibly small feeling.

As I look across the stoplight-streaked sky, I see power and the future in the inanimate and learn to appreciate the smell of ozone. The rumble and grumble of motors parallel to me breathe stories of others, just like me, trying to get somewhere.

I get the same small feeling when I run.

Sidewalks turn into stories, and personified homes and vehicles speak.

The oxygen flowing in and out of my lungs is like cool, refreshing mist on my face bringing fragments of history to flow through my pores and veins.

Children's laughter or wind fill my ears with better sound than any produced by man, and the smell of grass winds through my nostrils and through the smile on my face.

When my muscles begin to ache, or I feel my strength start to dwindle, I appreciate my limitations, and take comfort in knowing the warm shower will soothe me, followed by the cool pillow cradling my cheek.

When I wake again, it's a new opportunity to taste reality and realize just how small I am. It's a good kind of small - an appreciative 'small'. A small that allows me to step back and SEE... truly SEE.

It's incredible what you can miss when you're too busy and BIG to experience and enjoy it.

Hope is the window, though ~ the window to truth, perspective, and happiness. Go ahead and open it, and cruise. 

It Takes A Village

Lately I've been thinking a lot about authenticity and how it surrounds our lives, or sometimes how it's absent. Of course, all of us would hope that our lives point toward the authentic, but how can we be sure that it is, and where can we find it? The answer lies in the hands that helped to raise us. 

Community is such an important aspect in our lives. Why, without it, we would not have a proper sense of identity. Who would be our friend, our acquaintance, or our supporters? Community is powerful because it provides the atmosphere where we can bounce inspiration, ideas, and feelings among our peers. It also helps to teach us, improve us, and humble us.  

Now, I know what you may be thinking.. What about the authenticity only found within ourselves? This is a great thought. There is a lot to be said about our internal senses-of-self. There is only so much that community can contribute to our lives. The flip side happens to also be true, though - without community, there is only so much that internal authenticity can contribute to our lives. It's a balance that will take an entire lifetime to master. 

With all of this in mind, some of you may still be wondering who your community is. Again, a great thought, with many varying answers. In my experience, I've found that I belong to a multitude of communities. The communities YOU belong to will be unique to YOU. 

Since I'm long past childhood, I originally shied away from using the old African proverb "It takes a whole village to raise a child", but despite my normal tendency to be metaphorical, I was taking it far too literally. Yes, it's true, as a child I relied heavily on the help of teachers, doctors, friends, and extended relatives to provide me with the knowledge, love, and wisdom that I have. Now that I'm 'grown up', I'm finding that I can identify with many new communities that are as important as the communities that shaped me as a child. 

For example, while I was in college, I knew that I was a strong part, and active member in the DSU community. I felt supported, secure, and challenged each and every day. I thrived in this community and I still dream about continuing my education one day. While I was in college, I became involved in a Step Aerobics class which also opened the doors to a whole new community - the Madison Community Center. Ironic that the name of this building has the word 'community' in it! It definitely helped to shape me, both literally (as in being toned enough to not look frightening in a pair of shorts), and mentally. At the Community Center I felt like I belonged - that I was contributing to something larger than myself - a passion that still completely ignites me, changes my mindset, and provides me with a frightening sense of security and pride.

'Now Catheryn', you might be saying, 'what about all of these online communities?'. YES! I live in them, breathe  in them! I'm thrilled by the ever-evolving digital scene. I can't even name them all in one article, but among my favorites are, of course, the essential social media outlets (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, LinkedIn, Google+, Blogger, and Instagram), and more refined, 'niche' social communities (i.e. Tone It Up, Map My Run, and Netflix), and even more with the newest MOBILE social communities (i.e Poshmark and Words With Friends). These communities afford me TREMENDOUS opportunities to connect with others all across the globe. 

What's even better, is that these communities bring me to one of the newest communities I've become a part of -  and that's the Digital Industry. I've been working as a member in this community for 9 months now, which is pretty incredible. Like any newcomer though, I still sometimes feel a little lost, or unaware of the opportunities and the technology that surrounds me. That's okay though! The newness exhilarates me and provides me with a GREAT challenge. I'm all for meeting with and discussing ideas with members of this community. I WANT to share ideas and gain friendships. I know that there's a LOT of competition, but I'm not in this industry to ruin anyone - I'm here to support others and learn from the experts around me. I know I will eventually begin to feel my established, but right now, I'm enjoying the luxury to learn and explore. Yes, I've made my fair share of mistakes, and I have many more to come - it's all a part of the growing pains. So, I look to my COMMUNITY to teach me, challenge me, and befriend me. 

What communities have shaped your life the most? Which communities are your favorite? Do you feel especially influenced by the digital communities in your life? I WANT TO KNOW, so comment below! :) 

In the Raw

It seems we all have that 'place', that home ground, that central station, where we can park, unload our carts and simply 'be'. These places of spiritual neutrality are sacred, clean, and are a holistic part of our lives. They are the spaces in between the moments we deem the most important, yet these breaks and spaces are what shape us. How can we keep ignoring it? 

It dawned on me today, what if I looked for my sacred 'place'? I might be able to harness my thoughts better and ask myself the important questions I've been avoiding. (It's kind of like those midterms I would have been avoiding exactly a year ago today!) Recognizing that I have truly been avoiding my own thoughts and questions is a great discovery. One that I need to continue to make every day! It's all too easy to turn on the auto pilot mode, and just 'go'. It takes greater attention and perception to be in-tune with one's raw state. 

After reminiscing about some of the other tough decisions I've made in my life, I realized that they all did seem to point to one place. A place where I cannot hide from myself, and the truth surrounds me - the bathroom. Yes. You read correctly. As silly as it may sound, that is probably the place where I feel at the most ease. Whether I'm taking a warm shower, or bubble bath, putting on my makeup, fixing my hair, or simply cleaning, I feel like I am not avoiding myself whenever I'm in there. I'm able to think clearly and without distractions. Plus, I do really enjoy putting on makeup and fixing my hair - so, it's kind of a home-run solution. 

Heck, I was cleaning the bathroom back when I was a sophomore in college when I switched from being pre-med to an English for New Media major! I was also in the bathroom putting on makeup when I realized a toad, 'boyfriend' of mine was not the right dating material. I also was silently whining at my reflection one day when I finally decided to take better care of my health and fitness. Again, this may all sound a little far-fetched, but I truly believe that, that, is my place. 

Why the bathroom? Gosh, if Freud were to step in, he'd make some snarky comment about my "anal rententiveness", or something of that sort. But, I see my choice differently. I see it as a place where I can be completely RAW, completely CATHERYN. I mean, going about my day, I'm still me, but maybe not to my purest and rawest. I mean the bathroom is the place where I can create my face for the day. I can also completely bare myself and be in my most natural state. Metaphorically, I think it allows me to tap back into the days before I was aware of what held me back. The mirror also gives me a reminder that I can't hide from myself - because there I am - staring right back at myself. There's no need to alter anything because that's me, and I understand who I am, even under all of the makeup and hair products. 

So maybe your place is somewhere more glamorous, less 'embarrassing', or more exotic - that's fine! As long as it is YOU through and through that you see staring back at yourself, then that's all that truly matters. We all have a place - I challenge you to find it, and ask yourself what significance or metaphorical value that place holds for you. Then, confront yourself! Sit, or stand, and find out what you must do to ignite the most intricate pieces of your happiness and life.